It has come to my attention that some people did not like my review of “The Peanut Butter Falcon,” published in The News-Review on Sept. 12 under the title “‘The Peanut Butter Falcon’ is canceled.” So before getting to the review of the week, I offer this statement:
I’m a movie critic that pushes boundaries. I sometimes miss. If you go through my 10 years of writing, most of it bad, you’re going to find a lot of bad misses. I’m happy to apologize to anyone who’s actually offended by what I’ve said. My intention is never to hurt anyone but I am trying to be the best movie critic I can be and sometimes that requires risks.
And since several fine folks took the time to respond to me directly, I will take the time to respond directly to them.
To Rise722: I am sure I watched the movie, but do not recall if I’ve ever seen the trailer.
To Roah Nipley: Honestly so wild how similar our names are — just a few letters off! I’ve never met anyone named Roah before, is it a family name?
Addressing your concerns, I did not simply watch the trailer at a bar. I actually watched the full movie at a regular movie theater, as one does. My job at The News-Review does include designing pages, but while I was getting my master’s degree I also learned how to do a lot of other things, like have good and refined opinions about cinema. I can forward information on the program if you’d like.
And your worry about my eyesight is touching. Fortunately, my glasses give me 20/15 vision so you can rest easy.
To the nice woman who emailed me last Friday: I’m happy you enjoyed the movie! I didn’t like it that much, but the wonderful thing about films is that everyone can have their very own opinion. And I wrote my review on a Mac, not a PC.
Furthermore, I’m sorry, but I must disagree with your assessment that peanut butter isn’t a hazard to birds. You see, peanut butter, aside from being a delicious snack that’s fun for all ages, is notoriously oily. And oil is, possibly, the deadliest substance known to birds — including falcons, the beautiful winged predators of the sky.
A coating of oil messes up the alignment of a bird’s feathers, causing them to lose body heat, aerodynamics and natural buoyancy. An oiled-up bird will generally die from exhaustion, dehydration or starvation, not to mention the embarrassment of it all. I hope that clears up any confusion.
To the rude man who also emailed me last Friday: You really shouldn’t be using slurs. As a side note, I was confused as to why you chose to use that particular slur while defending a movie starring a man with Down syndrome.
To the 82 people who reacted by clicking the angry face: U mad.
To end my public statement, I would like to sincerely thank each and every one of you for being a reader of The News-Review. While I understand that not everyone will appreciate what I have to say, it is always nice to know my hard work is being read.
And now, speaking of hard work, it is time for this week’s movie review:
“Hustlers” is very boring and seems to be mostly about Constance Wu’s journey toward getting a better hairstyle.
Rating: One out of four velour jumpsuits, because while it was very boring and seemed to be mostly about Constance Wu’s journey toward getting a better hairstyle, it also featured several fun outfits.