Author says churches need to get more masculine to draw in men

Long before David Murrow wrote "Why Men Hate Going to Church," artist Norman Rockwell painted a cover for the Saturday Evening Post that might have been a harbinger for his thesis.

Rockwell featured a dressed-to-the-nines woman with a Bible tucked under her arm followed by two children in their Sunday best, marching past a man, dressed in his pajamas and a robe, slumped down to avoid being seen. His Sunday newspaper was spread out on the couch.

Murrow's theory on why men hate going to church is that over decades, Christian churches have become feminized. To him, this trend must be reversed to save Christianity and he is on a crusade to put masculinity back in the pew.

He wonders why there is not the same gender gap among Buddhism, Hinduism and Judaism and why Muslim men practice their faith with such pride. "Early Christianity was a magnet to men, but today's church repels them," he said. His research, he wrote, shows that over the centuries Christian ritual, ministry and practices have slowly evolved to meet the needs and expectations of a feminine constituency.

In his words, the singing, hand holding, sitting in circles and sharing feelings are just a few of the intimate, nurturing church practices that cause men to feel hesitant and out of place in church. He even believes that if Christianity doesn't get a handle on this trend, Islam will overtake Christianity.

"I'm not a student of Islam," he said in an interview, "but from what I observe, the culture of Islam is built to reach men. There are five pillars and every man is held accountable to achieve them."

He also notes that men worship separately from women. "They see themselves as fighters in the battle for righteousness and are expected to adhere to a strict moral code," he said.

He said in America 13 million more women than men attend church on any given Sunday and 6 million married women are worshipping without their husbands.

Part of the reason, he said, is that female-oriented ministries outnumber their male counterparts, three to one.

He notes that volunteer opportunities in churches revolve around traditionally feminine roles -- child care, singing, cooking and teaching.

"Men get a strong subconscious message that church is for women, children and wimps," he said.

But Murrow isn't blaming women and even urges them to participate in bringing masculinity back into the church. "Women have a vital role to play in bringing men back to church," Murrow, himself a Presbyterian church elder, said. However, he cautions that women "must allow men to be men -- bold, adventurous and risk takers."

That, he said, is what men are, citing in his book the male psyche of the hunter, while women are the gatherers. Women, he said, "must allow the men of the church to adopt language, customs and technology that men understand. Women must not stand in the way of changes that make the church more meaningful to men, even if those changes raise a few eyebrows among the matrons of the congregation."

Many women, wives and mothers, have had guilt over having failed to reach the men in their lives, he writes, and also notes that the clergy is frustrated over not knowing how to reach men. His book, he said, places the responsibility where it belongs -- not on women, or men -- but on church culture that has forgotten how to speak to men's hearts.

"I am not calling men back to church, instead I am calling the church back to men," he said.

He hopes his book will light the torch. "Christians have ignored the subject of the missing men far too long," he said. "We need to begin talking and praying about it. That's what I hope to achieve."

Not all is black in his eyes. "Christianity has proven itself very adaptable," he said. "Once God's people realize the need they usually take action. The problem is, men have been absent and anemic for so long people don't even realize they are gone. I am trying to sound an alarm with my book."

Murrow lives with his wife, Gina and three children in Anchorage, Alaska. He is so dedicated to the cause of getting men back to church that he has formed an organization called Church for Men, dedicated to restoring the masculine spirit in Christian congregations.

His organization is sponsoring a Worldwide Church for Men Summit, on May 25-26, 2006, in Anchorage, for pastors, seminary professors, sociologists and church leaders who are tackling Christianity's problem of missing/passive men.

His book pleads with church leaders -- both men and women -- to risk "weaving into the fabric of church culture a spiritual life that reflects masculine identity by providing meaningful roles rather than squeezing men into roles that befit a feminine spirituality. In short, the church must make men feel needed and valued again."

For more information about Murrow, readers are invited to go to his Web site: www.churchformen.com.



Bill Duncan is editor of The Senior Times. He also writes a weekly column on the Opinion Page every Friday.