Brent Lofstedt: A great wrestler, a better dad

How much did Brent Lofstedt love his family?

He held out the sport that no doubt had intertwined with his soul and he offered it up as a sacrifice in exchange for his kids’ well-being.

He was willing to sever himself from the thing that provided him with confidence, pride and satisfaction if it meant they would be happier.

I only got to talk with Mr. Lofstedt a few times, but I learned that he loved his kids so much that he stopped pressuring them to wrestle when they were teenagers. He didn’t want them to stop caring about him or the sport.

That’s important because jocks, even former ones, have trouble turning off the competitive drive. When they do, it means something. It’s also important because Brent Lofstedt, 47, passed away Wednesday at a Roseburg hospital following complications from a stroke. He was a two-time NAIA national champion at Southern Oregon University, where his youngest son Mitchell and oldest son Trevor will both wrestle next winter. Mr. Lofstedt also leaves behind a wife, Dorene, and a daughter, Rebecca.

I talked to Mr. Lofstedt in early June for a story I was working on about Mitchell, a three-time state champion at Roseburg High. I wanted to know what it was like raising him.

I also needed to talk to Mr. Lofstedt because Mitchell said he once loathed wrestling. Mr. Lofstedt gave a candid response, saying he was the guy you see in movies who yells at his kids from the stands and lives vicariously through his sons by dragging them to all the tournaments and camps, hoping they’ll be good and fearing they won’t be.

But he was also the loving father who eventually saw the error of his ways. Mr. Lofstedt was man enough to tell me he had to grow up, and that his kids helped him do that. So he let go, let Mitchell be a teenager and figure out why he wanted to wrestle.

And the strategy worked. Mr. Lofstedt gave an impromptu speech after Mitchell signed a letter of intent to wrestle at SOU in Roseburg High Athletic Director Russ Bolin’s office on April 29. When I looked at him, I saw absolute completion.

It was on the phone with Mr. Lofstedt on the phone that the good memories started flowing. He remembered when Mitchell tried “a thousand times” before finally landing a kickflip on his skate board as a kid, and when Mitchell and Trevor won their first awards. He deflected credit for their success to other people, like Roseburg coach Steve Lander. He didn’t use the “L” word, love, but its existence in our conversation was undeniable. I could feel it in his voice.

I once asked Mitchell why he thought Mr. Lofstedt pushed him so hard. The 18-year-old said he didn’t understand his dad’s vision at first, but that he did now. He didn’t say it was love, but it was.

“It was because he cared.”