I take pride in being a stay at home mom. I knew even when I was little, I wanted to be the one taking care of them all through out the day. I whole heartily throw my life into giving them a good day, and then get hit with a 5-year-old fighting me on everything and a 2-year-old who won't stop plunging the toilet.
What was I doing wrong? I did the laundry, paid the bills, read the bedtime stories, bought the groceries, made the meals, brushed the teeth, fed the dog, and still I laid down at night and felt like I lost again.
Did I look at my phone too much? Did I clean too much and not play enough? Did I tell them yes one too many times and that's why they won't listen? Maybe if I didn't give them snacks in the car there wouldn't be a day old banana rotting under the seat.
I have a terrible habit of taking my children's behavior personal. I feed them, bathe them, sing to them, snuggle them, pray for them, and literally wipe their bottoms and they still have days they just won't listen to me.
That used to drive me up the walls. I'd mainly just cry until one day, I figured out what my problem was.
We were heading up to Eugene for a family outing and I had it all planned out in my head how the day was going to go (big mistake). We woke up late, the Kindle was nowhere to be found, and nobody was helping get anything ready but me. It was a pretty rough start to my perfectly planned day.
We finally made it out the door, and we were in the car for not even two minutes before the boys started fighting. My perfect family day was off to a terrible start and I was mad.
Landon (my 5-year-old) started telling me what time it was every couple minutes and insisted I respond promptly each time. I did the first few times, but at 10:03 I had had enough. "I know what time it is!" I snapped back.
My mom guilt came crashing in immediately. I didn't wanna hear what time it was today - certainly not every other minute.
What had gotten into me? I will tell you.
I forgot to embrace the crazy. I was assuming that if I did everything right, my crazy life would turn calm and lovely. As if having an autistic 5-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a golden retriever puppy would ever be a possibility for a calm day. In what world?
You aren't doing it wrong mom - your expectations of what your day should be like just needs to be shifted.
My sister always tells me how her life is going to be when she's a mom. Bless her heart. Nobody says when they are pregnant, "I'm going to let my kid write all over the walls, have pizza for breakfast, and wear mismatched clothes," it just happens.
You have to intentionally remind yourself to embrace whatever it is you have. Because odds are, it is your dream, and you wouldn't want to be doing anything else, with anyone else - so rock it.
When I let go of the idea that I needed to have a day that consisted of a clean house, well behaved kids, and the to-do-list done, it was all the sudden OK that my 2-year-old was eating dog food again, that I haven't washed my hair in three days, and that the chicken nuggets from last weeks Happy Meal are still shoved under the back seat of my car.
Sure, it doesn't look picture perfect, but that's not what we signed up for. We signed up to raise them, love them, protect them and that is happening - even when the dishes are still not done, even when the perfect family day started out with a grumpy mom who lost her patience, even when it feels like you aren't gonna make it.
It's OK if you wanna go to the bathroom for a measly sixty seconds just to be alone. Take that sixty seconds, heck pretend you have to go number-two and binge out on Pinterest for a few minutes. Just get back out there and embrace your crazy life.
We all know it's going by too fast. Landon is fast asleep next to me and I already can't wait to wake him up and ask him what time it is because I know one day, it's gonna be 10:03 and I'm gonna wish my little boy was there telling me what time it is.