Robbin Carollo |

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May 28, 2014
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Why love is a choice, not an emotion | Moms

Wanna know what makes me ill? Not super ill, but like a little nauseated?

When I hear people wax poetic about how “in love” they are. Especially when they throw out the old adage, “you can’t help who you fall in love with.”

I mean, seriously.

Granted, most people who experience this word vomit are 16-year-old girls who are trying to explain to other 16-year-old girls the unbelievable connection she has with the curly haired kid from One Direction.

“It’s just, like, so awesome.”

I can say that because I have been that 16-year-old girl, but instead of Harry Stiles, I was in love with Prince William.

Don’t judge me, it was real, people.

Either way, it is idiotic to say that you can’t help who you fall in love with.

“In like?” “In attraction?”

Sure! Those are feelings and as such, we can’t help ‘em.

But “in love” – no.

If I only loved my kids or my husband when I felt like it, well let’s just say I woudn’t be winning any mom or wife-of-the-year awards.

I am 28-years-old and with every day that God gives me, I understand more and more that love is not something you feel or that you accidently fall into, like tripping over a rock.

No, love is hard work. Like really, really hard work.


When it comes to loving someone, I tend to agree with the Spike Jonze character in “Her” who said that love is like a form of socially acceptable insanity.

It’s pretty simple.

Love is putting someone else first, and if you’re doing it right, it’s putting that person first all the freaking time.

That doesn’t sound like something any sane person would sign up for.

This is especially true of us moms. When we decide to become parents, we sign up for a whole mess of things a normal person would consider insane.

First, we willingly sacrifice our own bodies for 10 months to play host to our baby. We do that knowing that when they arrive, we won’t have a good nights sleep for a least a couple of years.

We love them even though they wreck our bodies, steal our sleep and cover us in any form of excrement their little bodies can produce

And, if we’re lucky, that’s just the first year.

When we become parents we willingly sign up for a lifetime of sacrifice.

The same can be said of marriage.

I mean hopefully you won’t have to deal with your significant other’s bodily excretions until much, much later in life, but in a marriage you do wake up every morning and have to choose to love your spouse.

To put their wants and needs above your own. To recognize the 50/50 myth out there just that—a myth. To love someone, you have to be willing to give 100 percent, regardless of their contribution.

Are you starting to catch on why I say love is insanity and certainly not something you just unwittingly stumble into?

But, for all the craziness entailed, I believe love is why we exist. To love and care for others is our highest calling.

And when we do it right, with the right attitude and with, dare I say, our hearts in the right place, it can be the most rewarding, fulfilling experience on this earth.

Love is a verb. By its very nature it’s not something you just fall into.

It is something you do, and if you’re lucky, it is something you will receive. do wake up every morning and have to choose to love your spouse.

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The News-Review Updated Jun 4, 2014 10:59AM Published Jun 5, 2014 09:21AM Copyright 2014 The News-Review. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.