For type-A personalities like me, the pregnancy “nesting” instinct isn’t as gentle as it sounds. For me, it is full-throttle anxiety. I must clean everything, re-do everything and I live in fear of the life-shattering moment that will occur if everything isn’t done by that little baby's arrival.
Even as I remind myself that I have everything I need or the baby needs, and that it is all in God’s perfect timing – I wear my massive to-do list like a tattoo, completely stuck to me at all hours. I even dream of new things to add to it at night.
I literally envision the baby coming home and thinking, “Wow, Mom, your crown molding really needs a paint touch-up.”
I remind myself that I need to calm down, but it only makes it worse every time my loving husband also reminds me of this. I start to grit my teeth and really have to hold back the crazy-pregnant beast that wants to lash out when he says to “just relax.”
I don’t know what it is that makes it so hard to be content, joyful and at peace – oh wait, yes I do: hormones.
But even as I woke up at war with the hormones and this anxiety, I sat down to spend some much-needed time with God.
And this is what He had to say to me in my daily devotional:
“Do not search for security in the world you inhabit. You tend to make mental checklists of things you need to do in order to gain control of your life. If only you could check everything off your list, you could relax and be at peace. But the more you work to accomplish that goal, the more things crop up on your list. The harder you try, the more frustrated you become.”
Wow. The page really should have started with, Dear Brittany…
But this is the good part:
“There is a better way to find security in this life. Instead of scrutinizing your checklist, focus your attention on My Presence with you. This continual contact with me will keep you in My Peace. Fix your eyes not on what is seen (your circumstances), but what is unseen (My Presence).”
And the thing is, His presence is always there, but it is up to us whether or not we seek it. Whether or not we keep Him at our side, or whether He gets pushed away and weighed down by our list of to-dos.
So I strive today and tomorrow to focus on the unseen – which is what is important. Focus on God and my faith, and focus on this perfect baby that gets to come home to a loving family and a good home (and that doesn’t require any cleaning or fixing).
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 NIV