Kids are much smarter than we think. Yes, as parents everything we do is out of love, but I also think we are just plain crazy sometimes and our children know it.
With my first child I think I was blinded by all the things to know and figure out. Now, with my second who is 1, I’m starting to question some of the things we do as parents, mostly because I see her look at me like, “Seriously mom?”
Here are just a few of my guesses to what my 1-year-old would tell me if she could.
1. I’m not always teething! I’m sorry that whenever I am your less than perfectly behaved child you have to attribute any crying, whining, tantrums, sickness or bad behavior on teething. Sometimes I’m just cranky or disobedient (so maybe layoff the ibuprofen and teething tablets a bit).
2. What’s the deal with peas and everything else green? You’re so obsessive about it that it makes me think something is wrong with it … so I would rather not eat it.
3. Will you stop telling everyone that I am gassy? Why is my poop always the topic of conversation? And like teething, I don’t just always have gas — sometimes I just want to cry.
4. Yes, I can say “Momma,” but I enjoy how saying “Dada” all the time makes you a little crazy.
5. Cheerios off the floor just taste better.
6. Whoever invented those pureed foods in a squeeze pouch is a genius.
7. Mom, I get that you like to stretch the dollar — but my saggy diaper is not cool. None of the other kids are hanging low like me. Could we get a fresh one a little more often?
8. I think I’m going to start charging for all the tricks you have me do in front of people. “Five dollars to hear the baby say, ‘Moo’ like a cow.”
9. Why does everyone smile and say how “cute and chubby” I am, but when someone calls you “chubby” you cry?
10. Just sell all my silly baby toys already and get me an iPad.
11. Do you even know how to count to three? You have me wondering. You start off good with one and then two, but then you lose track and never quite make it to three.
12. Who is Google? And how do they always know what is wrong with me?
13. Maybe you should take some notes from Grandma: She never puts me in time out and has an endless supply of mac and cheese and goldfish crackers.
14. It is fun to watch you search for my binkies I throw on the floor at night.
15. I love you Mom.
Brittany Arnold is the Douglas County Moms editor on nrtoday.com and writes a monthly column for The News-Review. She lives in Green with her husband and two daughters.