Controller. Planner. Mover. Shaker.
A few years ago, I had plans.
Today, those plans linger in the worn heels that stomped around New York City, the Bay breeze left on my jackets and the stack of magazines on the bookshelf.
I’m continually asked what it is like to go from career woman to stay-at-home wife and mom. What it is like to go from paychecks — constantly emailing and being connected to some media device, meeting celebrities and feeling like I was contributing to the work force of society — to cooking, cleaning, diaper-changing and spoon feeding.
“Don’t you miss it? Don’t you feel like you’re giving something up? Aren’t you bored?” they ask.
Every mother who either works or stays home has her reasons, answers and hopefully, trusts she is where God wants her to be.
My particular answer is that I have never been more fulfilled in my life. Ironic, coming from someone who never wanted to stay at home, who can’t sit still and who struggles with routine.
However, something happens when you take your obsessively written-in and highlighted agenda for life and hand it over to God. It happens when you disengage your strong opinions about how it should be and what people will think. And it happens when you take your unhappiness and failed plans and say, “OK, You take this because I can’t.”
That’s when He will show you your purpose for life.
It is like opening a present, a tough one with lots of tight ribbon and tape. It’s one of those gifts you delicately open because the wrapping is so pretty.
My gift was our daughter, and, yes, 24-7 mommyhood was a tough adjustment. But once I cut through and began slowly peeling back what it was like to be a stay-at-home mom, I felt what it was like to be living in God’s design for me.
I didn’t feel like I was losing things, but gaining everything. I now had the most important and influential position in society. I didn’t have to be a stay-at-home mom. I got to be.
No matter how many people sneered at me for “throwing away my career,” nothing could take away this feeling of complete fulfillment.
Not to say being a stay-at-home mom and wife is simple – it is the hardest job I’ve ever had. But even on the hardest day, I wouldn’t give it up.
I am still a planner, and I consistently still find myself trying to overwrite God’s plans with mine. My daybook is bigger than my Bible, people.
Letting go of my plans and saying, “I trust You,” every day has brought more opportunities to my doorstep than trying to control them myself.
I once heard something like, “Letting go is like a bitter vegetable. It is hard to choke down, but it is good for you.”
Stop controlling. Let go. You will be amazed and what will happen. Most of all, you will be amazed at the joy you feel.
Don’t listen to others, don’t listen to yourself trying to control or what society might think. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, make sure you trust that you are where God wants you to be.
How do you do this? Move from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat, and then try not to give directions. Just close your eyes if you need to, and enjoy the ride.
I didn’t have to be a stay-at-home mom. I got to be.