Motherhood has made me a bit crazy, and it happened literally the second Liam was born. Call it hormones if you’d like, but I blame it on those age-old instincts that wild animals are born with - the ones that turn a fluffy, white house cat into a vicious tigress the minute her kittens are threatened.
I admit it was pretty bad in those first weeks following Liam’s arrival, much like a newborn vampire’s uncontrollable urge to bite despite her better judgment (yes, I’m a huge "Twilight" fan). My husband, bless his heart, did his absolute best to have patience with me, but my irrational behavior was probably the cause of more than a few lovers’ quarrels in the beginning.
For instance, I was constantly telling John to be careful every time he picked Liam up. “Be careful with his head. Don’t hold him like that. He looks uncomfortable. I think you’re hurting him.” Funny thing is John has more experience holding babies than I do.
Another time, when Liam was maybe four days old, we were driving five minutes down the road to my in-laws when I noticed there was a car following behind us a little too closely for my liking. We were nearing the turn for his parents' driveway (but were still far enough away that a blinker was totally not needed quite yet), and I panicked and yelled at John to put on his blinker so we wouldn’t get rear-ended.
John is a good driver – I make him drive everywhere because he is infinitely safer than I am. But I just couldn’t help myself in that moment. As soon as the words left my mouth, though, I followed it up with about seven apologies. I knew I was being irrationally controlling, but I just couldn’t help it.
Looking back on those moments, I cringe because I’m typically so even-keeled and I prefer to keep it that way. I’ve since gone back to being more “Anne-like,” but those motherly instincts are still there, just under the surface waiting to come out when needed.
And yes, I get up at 3 a.m. some nights and go into Liam’s nursery to make sure he’s still breathing, which is completely crazy, I know, but I’m not willing to give that one up just yet.
I admit it was pretty bad in those first weeks following Liam’s arrival, much like a newborn vampire’s uncontrollable urge to bite despite her better judgment (yes, I’m a huge \'Twilight\' fan).