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Robbin Carollo | moms@nrtoday.com

Robbin Carollo: Read carefully, you may be experiencing PPRBD | Moms

Ahhh…finally easing myself back into this whole, “active member of society” thing. Well, as active as anyone with two preemie babies who has been ordered to keep her children away from other human beings can be.

After the birth of each of my children, I take a few weeks to cut myself off from the rest of the world so I can just sit in my messy, chaotic, child-infested home and stare at my new baby (or babies, in this last instance).

Kudos to any mom who is able to venture out of the hospital all ready to resume life as normal, but that is just so not me.

The few times I have ventured out of my little self-created exile these last couple weeks have been to make a doctor’s appointment (‘cause nothing says, “thanks for flying across the country to visit me and my new babies” like dropping all your kids off on your parents and making such fun little excursions to the dentist or an eye exam) or to pick up necessities like donuts.

And each time I venture out, I am reminded of what I and other mom-friends of mine consider to be a very real and infrequently mentioned side-effect of giving birth – something that I call: Post-Partum Reverse Body Dysmorphia or PPRBD.

Consider this my PSA to women who have just given birth or about to give birth for the first time.

Post-Partum Reverse Body Dysmorphia is a real thing based on an informal survey of all of my friends who are moms and a unanimous agreement that we all experienced the same delusion that we had somehow transformed into super-models after the birth of each child.

Some symptoms of PPRBD include: unexplained feeling of super-model-level attractiveness mere days after giving birth; confusion at why no one is complimenting you on your obviously rockin’ new figure; and unquestioning confidence that you, at any moment, might be solicited off the sidewalk for an interview as People’s newest inductee to its “Most Beautiful Women” segment.

The known causes of PPRBD ire the euphoric high of giving birth combined with the presence of a precious newborn in your arms, as opposed to your now somewhat deflated and, more than likely, road-map-esque appearing gut.

You might be suffering from PPRBD if you’ve recently given birth and lost 15 pounds in the hospital yet retain several additional pounds from miscellaneous pregnancy related weight gain.

This is almost combined with the firm conviction you look as good, if not better than you did pre-pregnancy even though you are incapable of actually squeezing your hips into any pre-pregnancy clothing.

PPRBD can only be cured a month or more post-partum when you’ve had time to look in a mirror or any of the pictures you’ve had snapped of you since your baby has been born.

If you or anyone you know is suffering from PPRBD there is no treatment necessary. Once the sufferer of PPRBD has 15 minutes to shower and gets more than 45 minutes of uninterrupted sleep, she’ll start to see things more clearly.

For now, just enjoy your new mommyhood. There will be years and years to try and bring sexy back – and please note the use of the word “try.”

Ain’t no shame in rocking some sweet mom jeans and Spanx.

Ain’t no shame in rocking some sweet mom jeans and Spanx.

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The News-Review Updated Feb 19, 2014 07:47AM Published Feb 6, 2014 08:47AM Copyright 2014 The News-Review. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.