Back to: Opinion
July 7, 2014
Follow Opinion

Letter: Bagels of the world, unite!

On the Mini Bagel question

The Bagels of the world desire emancipation. What kind of emancipation do they desire? Culinary, etymological emancipation.

Baker replies to them, “No Bagel in the world is etymologically emancipated. Mini Bagels themselves are not free. How are we to free you?” He says, “You Bagels are moldy if you demand a special emancipation for yourselves as Pastry. As Bread, you ought to work for the political emancipation of Dough, and as Bagels, for the emancipation of Bagelkind. You should feel the particular kind of your oppression and your shame not as an exception to the rule, but on the contrary, as a confirmation of the rule, which mutually applies to yourselves and Mini Bagels.

“Or do Bagels demand the same status as Snack of the World? In that case, they recognize that the Mini-Bagel Industrial Complex is justified and they recognize, too, the regime of general oppression. Why should they disapprove of their special yoke, if they approve of the general yoke?

“Why should the Baker be interested in the liberation of the Bagel, if the Bagel is not interested in the liberation of the Baker? The Mini Bagel Industrial Complex knows only Mini Bagels. In this state, the Bagel does not have the privilege of being a Bagel. As a Bagel, he has fewer rights than the Mini Bagel has. Why should he want rights which he does not have, but which the Mini-Bagels enjoy?

“By its very nature, the Mini-Bagel Industrial Complex is incapable of emancipating the Bagel, but,” adds Baker, “by his very nature, the Bagel cannot be emancipated. So long as the Industrial Complex is Solid and the Bagel is Holed, the one is as incapable of granting emancipation as the other is of receiving it.

Bagels of the world, unite!

Matthew Cluver


Stories you may be interested in

The News-Review Updated Jul 15, 2014 12:34PM Published Jul 7, 2014 08:22AM Copyright 2014 The News-Review. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.