Before I dive into some of the secrets of what a woman really wants, I have to applaud the men who are already going above and beyond in these areas and others.

I’m not just trying to appease you. A good man is so under rated, and I’m here to tell you: we see you and have great admiration for you being the support system we always need.

With that being said, here’s what we really want.

Help with the kids I’ll never forget the day I snapped at my husband for help. It all felt smooth sailing ... until it didn’t. I was cooking dinner with the baby on my hip (who now needed a diaper change), my 5-year-old was yelling and the dog was scratching at the door to be let back inside.

David sat on the couch, oblivious to it all, doing a 500 piece Christmas puzzle. I swear my eyes could have burned a hole in his shirt if he would have ever looked up and saw I needed help.

What seemed so painfully obvious to me in the chaos of that moment, actually didn’t even register in his mind. My husband is always the first to help me when I ask. He honestly was so locked in on the puzzle he didn’t realize I was over in the kitchen hulking out.

The truth is, we always need help and we don’t want to have to ask. We love that you believe we’re super mom who has dinner done by six, the kids love everything we made and the house is clean when you get home from work. And maybe sometimes we kill it. But sometimes we don’t.

The reality is, we need you — more than we’d ever like to admit. It seems silly we don’t want to ask, but it seems just as silly to us you don’t know we want the help.

To be told we’re a good mom It signifies that we are getting an A+, so to speak, in what we take the most pride in.

I never realized how much I needed this one until it became the cure-all on one of my really hard days. Right now we live in a world where we are actually getting a straight six months with our children while also maintaining jobs, households, and drum roll ... being home school teachers.

As much as this extra time with my family has been nothing short of a blessing, I’ve had to practice a lot more patience, teach a lot more lessons, break up more sibling fights, cook extra meals and just make sure the world is still spinning correctly for the little people in my home whose worlds we’re also flipped upside down.

Being told I’m a good mom is what keeps my head afloat when Manning won’t eat his mac ‘n cheese I made per his request, the baby kept me up all night and Landon can’t find his left shoe.

To be asked ,“Is there anything I can do?”I want to be known as a strong, independent woman who is bold and unashamed. I just as equally want it to be known that God made me to be a wife and that if I have a need, it’s okay that I want my husband to help get me through that, no matter what that may entail.

Sometimes when he asks, the answer is something as little as “could you pour me a glass of wine.” Sometimes it’s a hug, a prayer for peace, an extra hour of sleep or a gallon of milk from the grocery store on his way home.

The question covers every base and is the very essence of what it means to truly love.

Video with our babies I’ve seen this one mentioned over the years and never gave it a second thought.

But a few months ago my sister filmed me singing a bedtime song with my boys, sent it to me a few days later, and I was over the moon excited to have that one video. I cherish that one clip more than the 300 I’ve taken on my phone because I forever have a keepsake of something I get to do with my children that is so sacred to me, without ever having to ruin the moment by getting my phone out to film it.

Hear me out. At face value, this might sound like a whine for more help with the dishes and a compliment. But it’s so much deeper than that. My husband practices each one of these fervently and it makes things around the home go so peacefully — and not just for me.

I am a nurturer and a lover by nature, but to have these needs met ultimately leads to a happy husband as well. He gets endless back rubs, his favorite cookies, a more patient and kind wife, a clean home and all the appreciation he deserves.

When we focus on the other person, it actual sends you into a perpetual practice of sacrificial love. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Sarah Guthrie, of Roseburg, is a mom of three. She works in the local emergency room, but is most passionate about her family.

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